Trick or Treatment

So, I decided that for Halloween 2013, I would be a cancer patient. "Why?" you ask? Well, I just thought the timing of my ovarian cancer diagnosis was a little too close to Halloween (actually, it was more than a month before Halloween, but I don't have any other ideas). Before I throw myself under a big ol' fat bus with this blog, I should probably point out that I like to deal with serious situations by telling jokes. This is not to say that I don't take my illness seriously, I just have my own way of dealing with it.

Maybe I should start off with how I was diagnosed. THIS IS A FUNNY STORY...About halfway through the summer, I had this crazy stomach reaction to a healthy meal of Hot Fries and Purity Ice Cream. I know, right? As if I needed more vegetables. Anyway, the pain came on all of a sudden and I thought that my stomach was trying to tell me that it hated me. I dramatically sprawled out on my bed and claimed it was appendicitis or colonitis or some kind of itis that I don't know about. The pain went away, and so did my worries. About a few weeks later, the same kind of pain came on. This time it was after a healthy meal of spicy Thai food and, you guessed it, PURITY ICE CREAM. Again, my stomach hated me for the decisions I continued to make. I bet you're asking yourself how I was diagnosed if I kept covering up my cancer with awful food combinations and thus atrocious stomach reactions. Well, the stomach pains eventually started coming and going more randomly. In fact, I knew something was wrong when I had grilled chicken and broccoli for dinner (MY STOMACH LOVES DAT STUFF) and still had abdominal pains. Now to the actual diagnosis: the abdominal issues became too much one random Sunday night and I finally went to the ER expecting to be diagnosed with colonitis. After the doctor convinced me to do an ultrasound, he found a tumor on my left ovary the size of a small football. Apparently the large tumor was pressing up against my nearby organs and causing all this pain. I was diagnosed with a teratoma, 99% of which are benign. I was upset about this hiccup in the road, but so happy that the doctors were able to figure out what was wrong.

Fast forward a week later...the surgeon performing my surgery to remove the tumor found a malignancy. For the first time in my life, I AM THE ONE PERCENT. And I'm damn proud of it. Because I now have the opportunity to face something bigger than myself, something I never thought I would face in a million years. I get to stand alongside many that have gone before me, many that are fighting with me, and many that have fought and won.

Today is day 5 of my chemo treatment, which overall is not very fun, but I'm sure there are people who have it worse. My treatment consists of 3 cycles of 21 days each. For the first 5 days of each cycle, I start my 4 hour session with a dose of steroid, then I receive my first chemo drug, Etoposide. After, I receive a diuretic and electrolytes, and finish off the session with Cisplatin. On days 2, 9, and 18, I also receive a drug called Bleomycin. So far, I've only had 3 bad experiences with my chemo treatment. The first one has actually nothing to do with chemo. I spilled water all over myself and had to sit in wet sweatpants for the entirety of my 4 hour treatment...on the first day...The second bad experience was a bad reaction to an anti-nausea drug that was being administered. There was a sudden harsh pain in my arm with the IV site and, yes...I cried, but I'm going to say it was because I wasn't expecting the pain. ALSO, I HAVE CANCER SO STOP BEING AN ASS. My third bad experience was on the second day of treatment. I had an allergic reaction to the Bleomycin and got a pretty nasty rash that is still lurking around, but the doc says it's all good, so no need to start a clinical trial on it.

According to my nurses, my veins are small and suck so yesterday I had a picc-line inserted into my left arm. It's pretty cool. It's basically a fancy IV that runs all the way to a larger vein near my heart. I can keep it in throughout my entire treatment and I don't have to get pricked with needles everyday!

Wow, I look like a junkie.

Anyway, I think I've wrote enough to make myself believe that people will actually read this. If for some reason I hear that someone is reading this, maybe I'll post a picture of my puppy!!!!