And my body was all, "Forget you, I'm tired. I'm not making anymore cells.": My Low WBC Count and Hair Loss

Hello Everyone, 

I write to you from the depths of my incredibly cluttered, middle-school-decorative-boy-band-poster-filled bedroom. I must say, however, that I had planned to write this post while immersed in the illustrious and beautiful Ithaca. And this is where my chemo treatment takes a sharp turn into Reality Town...

If you read my last post, you'll know that I have been feeling great lately. My energy level is significantly higher than it was during my first week of treatment and I haven't felt nauseous at all. In addition, my appetite has been fairly normal. All that being said, I thought, "Well, golly gee wilikers, Johnny! I've been feeling real chipper lately, why not go see my good ol' friends up at Cornell?!" The plans were made and my mom was willing to drive me up to Ithaca so I could spend a few days with my friends. I had only told a few people and I was planning on surprising everyone else. I was also going to bring Peanut. It would have been a grand old time. My mom and I were set to leave after I finished my treatment for the week on Tuesday, Day 16. So we get to the treatment center, and it was the first time I wasn't wearing sweatpants (I was super ready for Ithaca). I knew this was a big change because when I walked in, a nurse looked at me as if to say, "Oh, so you do own real clothing." Yes, woman, I own real clothing but I'm not going to dress up every time I kill cells in my body. It just doesn't make sense. Anyway, so I show up lookin' good. I started the appointment by getting some blood work done so my doctor and my nurses could see how my body was doing. You know, cell counts and whatnot. The results that came back were not so great. My white blood cell count was really really low. It was actually 1/3 of the level it needed to be to receive chemo treatment. Luckily, I was scheduled to receive Bleomycin on Day 16, and that doesn't affect white blood cell count, so I didn't have to delay treatment. However, because my white blood cell count was so low it changed some things for me. One of the biggest concerns was exposure. My immune system can't do much for me right now so if I were to be exposed to bacteria or a virus, I'd probably die (not really, but it'd feel like I was dying). My body doesn't have the means of fighting off any kind of illness, so my trip to Ithaca was cancelled due to the fact that my body sucks and isn't recovering fast enough. This was probably the first time that I crossed my arms, made a pouty face, and said "I hate cancer" like a five year-old girl. I guess this is a good thing, because I could have said that when...oh, I don't know....I had a gigantic tumor for an ovary. When I look at the big picture, yes, it sucks that I couldn't make my trip to Ithaca for the week and see all of my friends, but it's not the end of the world. And my parents and I agreed that it would be a lot less risky for me to go to Ithaca on Friday and come back on Saturday. That way I can still see some of my friends and I can avoid more exposure than necessary. The only unfortunate thing about this is that I can only see a few people. So if you're reading this now and you're in Ithaca and you didn't hear directly from me that I am coming on Friday...I probably can't see you. I have to stick to the same 5-7 people while I'm there and I can't go into restaurants and stores. But don't worry, this is only temporary. Once my body starts producing more white blood cells, I can hang out with whoever I want. AINT NOBODY GONNA STOP ME. NOT EVEN ME, which ironically enough is what's stopping me now.

I guess now we can discuss one of the side effects of chemo: hair loss. It's happening. My hair is starting to fall out. And I'm not talking about, "Haha oh noooo. Ewww your hair is on the couch. You're like a dog you shed so much! Grosssssy poo!" No. My hair is falling out in chunks. You can see my scalp. For those of you who don't know me, I am an Egyptian woman with thick, dark, curly hair. You don't just see my scalp. That's not a thing that happens. It's pretty nerve-wracking for me. I know that may sound vain, but I have always been self conscious about my hair. And now that I can't really control what happens with my hair, I'm pretty terrified. I LOVED my hair. I loved having good hair days and I loved wearing nice clothes and doing my hair all pretty and looking good walking to class and looking good taking notes and wearing glasses and looking all smart and stuff. And now that I won't have hair, well, I just don't know how I'm going to rock my awesome outfits. Obviously, it's something that I can get used to, but it will take time.

My friend and I decided that when I'm in Ithaca on Friday, we're going to brush out my hair. Meaning, we will probably expect to brush my hair, but will end up pulling large patches of my hair out. Once I have a big enough bald spot, WE'RE GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD. I already have a bunch of hair styles I want to try before we completely shave it. First, I'm going to cut my hair off so I can donate it to Locks of Love. Then I want to try a fohawk. Then I want to shave certain parts of my head so that it looks like a cornfield. Somewhere in there I want to put huge spikes in my hair with gel. I'm also going to give myself a big mohawk, then a small mohawk. After that I'm going to buzz my head and shave gang signs all over. I haven't decided if I want to be the Bloods or the Cripps yet though. Maybe I'll just shave Wawa on the back of my head (WHERE MY WAWA FANS AT?!). After I'm done trying out all of the different hair styles, I will finally shave my head. Don't worry, I will take a picture of each style and be sure to put it in my next post.

In other news, I AM NOW ACCEPTING HENNA TATTOO IDEAS FOR MY SHAVED HEAD. These are the ideas I have so far. Keep in mind, my tattoo won't be in color.

These ideas are still in the works...For instance, I'm not quite sure I like the heart in the third one. Seems a little too far to the right. 

Okay, that's all for now. I'LL BE SURE TO POST WITH PICS ONCE MY HEAD IS SHAVED.