'Twas the Night Before Christmas...

I meant to post a blog a long time ago, but I've been very distracted with holiday preparation. And by that I mean, I went to my aunt's house and slept on the couch while everyone else baked Christmas cookies. I swear, once you tell people you're battling cancer they're all like, "Oh, sweetie, please don't strain yourself!" and I'm all, "Oh, my cancer hurts. I shouldn't leave the couch. Would you mind making me hot cocoa?" Okay, let's get this update started...

Last time I wrote, it was before my fourth cycle had started. Now, I'm nearing the end of my fourth and last (hopefully, forever) cycle. Finishing the first week of the cycle was quite the struggle. I only had one week between my previous full week and the fourth cycle's, so there wasn't much recovery time. In other words, the side effects of the chemo had a much greater effect during this week of treatment. Rather than feeling nausea and fatigue set in on Thursday, I felt it on Wednesday. I was noticeably more tired than usual and felt overall more crappy. By Friday, the nausea had gotten pretty bad, BUT it all worked out for the best. I almost vomited in the treatment center and the nurse saw me and talked to my doctor about giving me more anti-nausea medication. SO, I spent the rest of the day and all weekend feeling a lot better. After I finished treatment, my dad brought the car to the door so I wouldn't have to walk to get to it, we high-fived and then I cried pretty much the entire ride home. I was so happy to be done with weeks like that. My family took me out to all-you-can-eat pizza and wings to celebrate! It was embarrassing how much I couldn't eat, but the pizza still tasted great. So I have no regerts. See what I did there?

The following weekend was spectacularly eventful. I went to my aunt's house on Saturday to bake Christmas cookies, and like I said earlier, I put a lot of effort forth in making sure those cookies were baked! My aunt probably won't vouch for the work I did, but that's okay. She's probably bitter because my batches tasted better. On Sunday, two of my friends worked in a visit to my house on their way home for Christmas. I don't get to see them very often, so it was awesome being able to spend an entire day with them. They also bought me a tshirt of a tiger wearing a sweat band that says, "No regrets". It's incredibly fitting, in more ways than one. 

On Monday, I had my second bleomycin day. The appointment was changed to Monday because Tuesday was Christmas Eve and the center wouldn't be open. So Monday was my second to last day of treatment and MY LAST DAY at the Radnor facility. My last day of treatment will be in Center City in Philadelphia because I have an appointment with my surgeon whose office is closer to that facility. My friend, Julie, and my younger brother, Mikey, and my mom came to treatment with me. It went by a lot faster having people to hang out with, not to mention, my friend's mother surprise visited me during treatment. At the end of my treatment I said goodbye to my nurses. That was really hard, because my nurses were awesome. I had a really good relationship with both of them, but really bonded with one of them over sushi and Always Sunny In Philadelphia. In fact, I just called her to see what her thoughts were on my white blood cell count and eating sushi today. My mom made both of them Egyptian food to thank them and I hugged both of them goodbye, but what really made this last cycle a little easier was that the nurse, Kathleen (who I talk to about sushi), started tearing up. She said it's always hard when patients leave because of the relationships that are built. I was really touched that Kathleen liked me enough to cry. I thought I was just that annoying kid in the background who wouldn't stop talking about sushi and watching The View at too high of a volume.

Christmas was splendid. I GOT A MOUNTAIN BIKE. AND A FRENCH PRESS. I also had an awesome time with my family. My mother unexpectedly said a very heartfelt pre-dinner prayer, so obviously, I cried (the cancer made me soft), but it was really nice. It's been a very difficult year with everything going on, and though we're thankful for the lessons learned, we are all happy for the year to be over. I have a good feeling about 2014. 

I guess that pretty much sums up the update. I should probably leave you all with a picture or something.

Family Christmas Eve Photoshoot

Some good ol' Peanut lovin'

A picture of a picture: A Christmas Special

Fourth Cycle, Last Cycle and Beyoncé

I guess I should start off by saying that Beyoncé's surprise album drop on Taylor Swift's birthday was genius. That's all I have to say about that.

My fourth and final cycle begins NEXT WEEK. And I am excited to announce that several friends will be joining me in treatment on Monday. It should make the day go by quick, which is great because that day is always the longest. This will be the toughest week I have ever faced since treatment started. Let me break it down for you. I went into my first cycle at 100%. The first full week knocked me down to 50%. Before my second cycle started I recovered to 80%. Then, my second full week knocked me down to 40%. I'd say I recovered to about 70-75%. By my third full week of treatment, I was taking about 3 or 4 naps everyday. I was completely exhausted and it was so much harder compared to my first week. During my first week I read nonstop for the full four hours of treatment. In my third week, I showed up in the morning and passed out until the afternoon, and would go home just to pass out some more. I mean...I love sleeping, but DAYUM, was I unproductive. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that my body is tired and this fourth full week is going to be TOUGH. Which brings me to my next topic...

Exercise.

One of the most frustrating things about my whole situation. After my surgery in September, I had to say goodbye to exercise for a full two weeks. Anyone who tries to stay in shape knows that a dormant two weeks means a complete loss of progress and a walk back to the starting line. So, that was the first frustrating thing. The second frustrating thing is that at my two-week follow-up appointment after surgery, my doctor told me that I wasn't allowed to lift for THREE MONTHS. I'm not jacked or anything, but you know, I had little bumps on my biceps that I was working on. Anyway, they're completely gone now. And so is the rest of the muscle that I had. The third frustration in all of this when it comes to exercise is the fatigue. In treatment this week, my blood results showed that my hemoglobin level was lower than normal. It was a 9.2. To put it in perspective, a value of 8 means the patient needs a blood transfusion. So, I'm still safe, but I'm anemic. Meaning, my fatigue has gotten worse. This is completely expected during chemotherapy, but it makes working out harder. If I could sum up my workouts on chemotherapy in one phrase I think it would be...kiddies, close your ears.

Running is a bitch.

Getting back into shape is a way longer process than would be if I wasn't on chemo. Not to mention, my blood pressure is significantly lower than normal. After runs (which, let's be honest, are barely runs at all), I have headaches on and off for the next day or so. And during my run, every time I try to pick up the pace my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. Thanks for all the pumping, Heart, but if you could do a better job that'd be great. 

And to my last order of business...I was about to post the above as the entirety of this blog post, but my good friend, Sam (featured in previous blog...you know, Oxford Sam), sent me the following Ted talk.

http://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_the_game_that_can_give_you_10_extra_years_of_life.html 

For those of you who don't know, Ted talks are my favorite. This Ted talk is about post-traumatic growth. Throughout the entirety of this crappy situation, I never let myself sit down and dwell in a thought like, "No. No, this is just too much. This is total shit. Why me?" The key word being dwell. Obviously, I've had this thought, but I only sit with it for a second. The reason being that I know my recovery relies MAINLY on resilience. People of the blogging world, you can get through ANYTHING if you are resilient. Life is about getting knocked down and getting back up again. I've been knocked down many times before cancer and I'm sure you have all been knocked down many times too. But cancer has knocked me down like I've never been knocked down before, but, with resilience, I'm going to get up like I've never gotten up before. Cancer is the springboard to my goals. I am now more focused on my targets than I have ever been. I'm going to get into medical school and not only will I be a great doctor, but I will have the experience of being a patient. This cancer, which will eventually be a piece of my past, will help me relate to my patients. So, I believe there is a reason for everything, and maybe this is just one of the reasons why I got cancer. 

IN SUMMATION, watch the Ted Talk because it touches on four resiliences that I believe are what help me get through every day of treatment, even if I've been doing my own version of each of the speaker's tasks.

As I Lay Dying...from stomach cramps

Okay, maybe a little dramatic. Not to mention, somewhat cheap, given that I used the title of a book I've never read to introduce this post. Like I was saying, here I lay dying from stomach cramps. I was sound asleep, having sweet dreams about treatment tomorrow, where chemotherapy came to me in the form of the lollipop guild and we all danced along the yellow, brick road. Then, all of a sudden, I awoke, writhing in pain. I called upon my mother and father and they lovingly fed me Pepto Bismol. Yet, here I am. The residual pains from my cramps leave me sleepless and itching to tell the world. I can only hope the world yearns for my blog posts as much as I yearn to post blogs.

Bad News Bears, Guys...

Friends, family, and random readers who somehow stumbled to this blog and found the title of this post interesting enough to read on: it is settled--I have to do a 4th cycle. I met with my oncologist yesterday to talk about my new AFP level. There were two unfortunate things about this meeting. One of them was that I did not know this result would determine the 4th cycle. I thought I would have another AFP test after my 3rd cycle, but I was wrong. The second unfortunate thing is my AFP level was 2. TWO. I was so close. Anyway, I guess it's better to be safe than sorry. A 4th cycle would heighten my chances of kicking this cancer to the curb for good. So, instead of the 6 days I thought I had left, I now have 27 days. Quite the mental and emotional challenge. It was very hard to stay positive when I found out the news.

My new final day of treatment is December 31, New Year's Eve. In a way, I guess this is the bright side to a 4th cycle. My battle with cancer will come full circle. I can end my year and leave cancer behind me as I start over, new and healthy, in 2014. I also have my follow-up appointment with my surgeon the morning of the 31st, and I'm pretty sure he will clear me to start lifting again. Not to mention, I talked to my oncologist and I am allowed to have a glass (one glass) of wine the night that I finish treatment. This is pretty exciting, as wine is my favorite alcohol. I will be celebrating the year's end and my cancer's defeat with my family at my aunt's house in New Jersey at her yearly New Year's Eve party. It should be a really great time and I am pretty excited. January 1, 2014, can't come soon enough.

Before I end this blog post, I wanted to share a link with you guys. My team, for some odd reason (they must love me or something), started a fundraiser for me. They call it "Funds for 'Fogs - The Julie Mina Campaign". It's actually the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. They will be sending all of the proceeds to my family to help us pay the medical bills for all of this cancer crap. This isn't me telling you that if you don't donate, I'll hate you forever. This is me just posting the link to let you know that it's there if you want to help. Also, if you're in the Ithaca area, my team is holding a benefit concert this Friday night at 10 PM at the Nines on College Ave and my buds, Shannon and Bekah, are playing! I usually take part in these concerts, but since I can't be there to play, Shannon will FaceTime me on stage. Alright, that's enough about me...

Here is the link to donate: http://cwrfc.com/

And here is the link to the facebook page and details for this Friday's concert: https://www.facebook.com/events/204064706445421/ 

Also, if you guys could keep my friend, Mike Judge, in your thoughts and prayers on Dec. 10, that would be great. I met Mike in the treatment center, and if you haven't read any of my previous posts, he is 19 years old and he is battling Ewing's sarcoma. He has surgery to remove the tumor in his arm on December 10 and this is me wishing him luck!! GOOD LUCK, MIKE!!

Good luck on finals, everyone!!! Or whatever else you do with your life...

The Things That Suck

Yes, I know what you're thinking: "Who is this blogger that doesn't post for weeks and then posts twice in two days?" It's me. I'm the blogger. I begin my last full week of treatment tomorrow and I thought this might be a good time to talk about all of the things that suck about full weeks of treatment. If you're reading this and you are looking for something to read that makes you feel jolly about life, please leave now. Also, why would you look at a cancer patient's blog? That's sickening and inhumane. If you're looking to read something while you're down in the dumps about a bad break-up, or your lack of motivation for starting a workout plan, or if you're just curious about cancer, READ ON. I will explore some of the things that suck about the full weeks of treatment of a chemotherapy regimen. Enjoy.

1. I wake up everyday at 7 am. Because of the steroid I get on days 9 and 16, I usually sleep from 4:30 am to 11:30 am. So, you can imagine the misery I feel on Mondays of full weeks when I wake up at 7, having fallen asleep only several hours before. It's almost as bad as the all-nighter I pulled before my biochemistry midterm last fall. Or the all-nighter I pulled before my biochemistry final last fall. I guess they were both equally miserable. The lesson here is that if you can pull off a good grade when saving your work for the last minute, then continue to live your life that way. Wait, no. That's not a good lesson. I don't even remember what I was talking about. Man, I'm glad biochem is over.

2. The treatment center is an hour away. Okay, I guess I have no reason to complain. Some of the patients that go to my treatment center travel 2 hours to get there. I can't imagine their full weeks of treatment...Either way, the travel time REALLY sucks. I'm just so sick of being in cars even though I can count on one hand the number of times I've driven in the past 2 months. My chauffeur also has really bad taste in music. KIDDING. I don't have a chauffeur. Well, if that didn't make me lose a large percentage of my readers, I don't know what will! BADAM CHICK!

3. I spend 4+ hours in the treatment center everyday. Yes, everyday. What do I do, you ask? Well, I watch ABC. First there's "LIVE with Michael & Kelly", which is something my old roommates used to watch anyway, so it's not so bad (shout out to the old roommates). Then there's that cooking/talk show thing with Rachel Ray. While we're on the subject, I really don't think America should have given Rachel Ray a talk show. I just don't understand it. She already had her whole cooking thing going for her. Unless her talk show hosting skills surpass those of Oprah's, then she should have just continued to teach us all how to make meals in 30 minutes, because the talk show portion of her new show just isn't doing it for me. Nonetheless, I still watch it. Why, you ask? Because there is absolutely, positively nothing else to watch on the other 5 channels. After Rachel Ray's gig, there is the View. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Sometimes. After the View I usually pass out for awhile until I'm done treatment. Before cancer, I had never really seen any of these shows. I would like to announce to everyone right now, because I know you have all been wondering: YOU ARE NOT MISSING ANYTHING. I repeat, NOTHING IN THESE MORNING TALK SHOWS WILL CHANGE ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE. At best, they are background noise. I'm sorry if anyone really likes any of these shows. You can message me and we can battle it out there. Or here. I don't care. I'll stand by what I said. You know, I used to read throughout the entirety of my treatment, but now I'm too tired or unable to focus enough to read for that amount of time. Chemo has ruined me.

4. My inconceivable amount of trips to the bathroom. Yep, I'm being serious. Because the chemo drug, Cisplatin, affects kidney function, the doctor gives me a diuretic to help my body flush out the drug. Not only do I receive a diuretic, but the nurses hang up a big ol' bag of hydration. So I make many, many trips to the bathroom about an hour and a half into treatment. About every 5 to 10 minutes, actually. I might as well just post up in the bathroom with Netflix. Oh wait, I can't because THERE'S NO INTERNET. Oh, I didn't mention that before? Yeah, you might as well just leave me here to die. Ahem, okay. I'm done complaining. 

5. My loss of appetite. During full weeks I usually have a small breakfast when I get to the treatment center, something small when I get home, and then if I even think about food for too long after that I might vomit. So I usually don't think about food. It's been working well for me so far.

6. The sleepiessss. I pass out on and off all day, erryday during full weeks. I become undependable, unreliable, un...awake. Let me put it this way, I probably won't answer your texts or calls. When I do, even my text is slurred. And my texts already don't make sense WITHOUT the chemo. Don't even try to imagine it--you'll hurt yourself.

7. FIVE.LONG.DAYS. Last, but not least. The thing that sucks the most is that even though it is only just a week, it is a long, hard week. And I dread every second of it. BUT, if this is, in fact, my last full week of treatment, this week's end will feel so sweet. So, let's hope for an alpha-fetoprotein level of 0!

Okay, so I couldn't even come up with 10 things. Obviously, my life isn't all that bad.

FINEPRINT: I hope everyone who reads this understands that I am kidding. Yes, chemo treatment sucks, but it is a small price to pay for the good health that will result from it. Not to mention, my family and friends and readers that I have never met have been an AWESOME support system. I use this blog to make fun of the situation I am in and I hope it's fun for anyone who reads it. If at any point you are sick of my fake (real, but I don't want to be annoying) complaining, please do not feel obligated to continue reading. It's not like I've been dealt a really crappy hand or anything. It's not like I'm sitting at home alone with my dog all the time, just waiting for someone to come hang out with me. It's not like I've spent the past 5 weeks on a paint-by-number because I'm not good enough to make my own painting. Yeah, it's not like that. So don't worry, I'll be fine here all alone, by myself, laughing at my own jokes on the blog I write for myself. 

My Third Cycle and, Hopefully, A Roundhouse Kick to Cancer's Face

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted a blog. I guess I've been busy with my cancerous lifestyle, you know, chilling at da treatment center wit mah homies, chillin at home wit mah puppy, paintin and shit. No, just kidding. I went up to Ithaca for a bit and hung out with some of my friends. The last time I enjoyed myself like that I was running up my rugby team's bar tab at Level B (side note: so sad I'm missing formal this semester). I got into Ithaca just in time for my friend's 21st birthday and fishbowls at Level B (because Level B is just so classy), and I flew through the night on the wings of sobriety. I was blessed with the opportunity of watching my friends trade in their good judgment for blue raspberry koolaid mixed with vodka. Later on, after enough fishbowls are chugged and too much money is spent on alcohol, the dancing usually begins. This is my favorite part because you can always spot the girl who is way too drunk and probably too young to be in a bar. This time...oh let me tell you, THIS TIME, that girl had toilet paper stuck to her boot. And she was dancing her crazy ass all over the place. This made for an easy transition back into the college life. So I spent my night living vicariously through the drunk girl with toilet paper stuck to her boot.

Now to what it was really like being back at school for almost a week. For my friends who have taken semesters off before, I hope this is something you can relate to, and maybe we can bond about it over a beer later. Well, to be quite honest, being back at school was weird. I felt like a guest in my own home. I've really grown to love Cornell, and having been away from it for so long has been extremely tough. I didn't really expect that my visit would feel completely normal, but I also didn't think that it would be as hard as it was. As odd as it sounds, I don't think my battle with cancer really hit me until I was back on the Hill, attending class with a couple of my friends. Wow, that makes me sound like the biggest nerd ever. Let me clarify, I was attending class because I showed up in Ithaca in the middle of the week--it was either that or hang out with Netflix for a day. So, I got to U.S. Healthcare Systems, and not only did I decide that I want to take that class next fall, but I also decided that cancer sucks. Cancer took from me a semester that I had rightfully earned. All of these college kids showed up to this 200/300 lecture all giddy and excited about their weekend plans and there I am wishing I didn't have to spend the next few weeks of my life in a treatment center. If you haven't already guessed, cancer really does suck, and speaking as a young adult with cancer, I feel betrayed by my body. My body, which is supposed to work with me, has been working against me and brought me here: cancer. Now that all of my readers have closed this blog due to a very whiney cancer patient who won't stop whining because she thinks she has a right to just whine, whine, whine, I will move on...

My real reason for visiting Ithaca was to celebrate some of my favorite traditional events with my teammates. Saturday night was Jock Jams. This party is only for the elite, and by that I mean, if you don't show up in a good costume you might as well just go home and cry yourself to sleep. So naturally, I showed up in full-body, green spandex. Yes, you guessed it! I was Charlie Kelly's Greenman from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, my new obsession. Well, actually my new obsession is Grand Theft Auto V, but that's for another blog post. 

This is Greenman performing Blue Steel from the movie, Zoolander

This is Greenman with friends, Lee (left) and Sam (right). Fun fact: Sam will be doing cancer research and earning her Masters in Oncology at Oxford next year. According to Sam, I inspired her to choose that path, and I will, from now on, take all of the credit for her achievements. YOU'RE WELCOME, SAM!

On Sunday was our annual Rugby Thanksgiving Dinner. The day where we force all of our rookies to prepare a wonderful Thanksgiving feast and I sit on the couch and make fun of everyone and everything. And that's exactly what I did. It was just like old times. The only difference was that now that I have cancer, I was no longer an "asshole" for not helping. I plan on milking this cancer thing every single second until I am in remission.

This is the team with all of the food we made. Surprisingly, not every dish is featured in the above photo.

Speaking of remission, I find out the results of my alpha-fetoprotein level within the next few days. If you saw in my last post, my level was 14 and I need that number to go down to 0. If I only have to do 3 cycles, then my last day of treatment will be December 10. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS....just in time for the holidays! I'm already thinking about all of the wine I'm going to drink once I'm finished with chemo. 

For the remainder of this blog post, I would like to pretend that I am a wise, experienced, young woman and give some advice to my readers. Here it goes...

1. Choose your friends wisely. You never know when a study Sunday turns into an all-nighter in the Emergency Room and you need people to take care of business while you battle cancer.

2. Let yourself relax. After having spent 3 years at Cornell and working pretty much every single second of every single day, relaxing isn't an action that is often performed. And when it is performed, you can bet your ass you'll feel incredibly guilty about it. So when I started this semester with nothing to do, I kind of panicked. A couple months later and relaxing is all I do! Actually, I don't know how I'm going to make it through the spring semester because I'm pretty sure I don't know how to read anymore. Nonetheless, everyone needs time to themselves if they want to be successful.

3. Write blogs. The thought of starting a blog crossed my mind early on in treatment, but it wasn't until I met my 19-year old fellow cancer patient, Mike Judge, in the treatment center that I thought seriously about publicly sharing my journey. Now, I'm less than a dozen posts in and I have more than 10,000 views. Pretty amazing, if you ask me. Check out Mike's story here: http://thebiggestgame.blogspot.com

Okay, I've decided to save the rest of my advice for later posts/I've run out of advice because I've actually learned nothing about life from this experience. BUT STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT MY NEW ALPHA-FETOPROTEIN LEVEL.  I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving!

NEXT STOP: Interview on Ellen and Photoshoot with Oprah--Ain't No Thang, but a Chicken Wanggggg!

Yup, you read it correctly. I, Julie Mina, have an interview lined up on Ellen and a photoshoot with Oprah Winfrey written on my calendar. And by interview and photoshoot, I mean I'm going to continue to watch Ellen interviews on Youtube while eating chicken wings and cry to lifetime movies alone in the dark. Okay, so my life isn't that exciting, but I have to make these things up if I want people to even glance at my blog. Speaking of glance, this is actually pretty exciting (and I'm not pulling your leg here). I have close to 8,500 views on my blog. That's pretty cool, given that I've only posted 5 times so far. I've also been getting a lot of adds to circles on Google+. I am really flattered. I was not expecting people to actually like what I was writing about. 

I would like to start off this post with a video. A video that I believe serves as an inspiration to all of us. I bet if I started every day off like little Jessica in the video below, I would be a much better person.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0ifIQNwXBE 

Sing it, Jessica. You make the world a better place.

Anyway, I guess I haven't written in awhile and there are some things I should catch everyone up on. One, I have officially finished my second full week of treatment. My last day was Friday and, lemme tell ya, full weeks suck the life right out of you. WHERE MAH CANCER PATIENTS AT. YAFEELME? Luckily, I did not have any major nausea issues this time though. No head in the toilet and no unpleasant conversation about it afterwards at dinner. It's the small things in life. Oh also, an update about my cell counts: On Saturday I had a doctor's appointment in Philly to get a Growth Factor shot so that my WBC count doesn't continue to be so low. The side effects of the shot are muscle pains (sometimes horrific), but I haven't had any bad side effects yet, so that's all good! Second, I saw some of my friends from school on Saturday. Some of my teammates made the trek from Ithaca to Philadelphia to see the New Zealand Maori All Blacks play the USA Eagles and they bought me a ticket (Lili, I have a check for you, by the way). I had such a blast seeing my teammates and being around rugby again. We even found one of our teammates on a picture at the Ivy Rugby tent! Photo credit goes to Alanna Grossman

How cool is that? Work it, Olivia. THAT'S my TEAMMATE *clap clap clap clap clap*. 

And here is a picture of both teams before the game. I have a video of the All Blacks performing the Haka, but you can barely see it from my seat, so just look it up on youtube. It's pretty cool.

The game was awesome, it was just freezing. Unfortunately, I was still pretty nervous about my white blood cell count and didn't think it was the best idea to stay the whole time given the weather, so I left after the first half. It sucked because I'm young and, usually, being out in the cold for a rugby game shouldn't effect me, but whatever--at least I got to see my friends. And I had pretty shitty seats, BUT it was only $30, so HELLLL YEAHHHH. Thirdly, well...I think this news deserves its own paragraph.

Okay, THIRDLY, I have some exciting news. So my doctor has been keeping track of my cancer by following the levels of a protein called the alpha-fetoprotein. Before I had surgery to remove my ovary, and thus my tumor, my alpha-fetoprotein level was >11,000. So...if you didn't realize...that number is....well, it's pretty damn high. After my surgery, that number went down to about 1,730. The goal of my chemotherapy treatment is to get that level down to 0. This will determine if I have a 4th cycle or not. For those of you just tuning into the Adventures of Julie Mina and A Riveting Battle with Cancer (the alternative title for this blog), my protocol is basically this:

3 cycles of 21 days each, with treatment on days 1-5, 9, and 16

If my alpha-fetoprotein level is 0 at the end of my third cycle, then I don't have to do a 4th cycle, BUT if it's at 1, I will be facing another cycle that dips over into January. In other words, I will carry my chemo treatment throughout the Christmas holidays :(. For those of you who are a little more slow than the rest of us, this is BAD. Super, super bad. Obviously, I'll have to just suck it up if that's the case, but damn. If I only have to do 3 cycles, then I'll be done with chemo on December 16. THAT WOULD BE THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER. And that brings me to my exciting news...So after my surgery, my alpha-fetoprotein was about 1,730. It was tested again after my first cycle of adjuvant chemotherapy, and guess what it was...

700? No...

500? Nope, guess again!

250? NO, YOU SUCK AT THIS.

It was............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................a measly, little 14. Yes, 1-4. My alpha-fetoprotein level after one cycle of chemotherapy was 14. GO BACK AND RE-READ IT, I SWEAR YOU'RE NOT SEEING THINGS. Here's a table to help you visualize.

Treatment Stage	Alpha-fetoprotein Level
Pre-surgery	>11,000
Post-surgery	~1,730
Post-cycle 1	14

Here is a graph to further aid comprehension of the significance of these results (sorry, all I do at school is write lab reports, and I hate myself for this, but I kind of miss it--SCREW YOU IF YOU JUDGE ME. I HAVE CANCER, YOU HEARTLESS ASSHOLE).

As you can see, my alpha-fetoprotein level (blue line) is relatively 0. EXCITING SHIT!!! 

Okay, now for even better things. Pictures of my puppy and my henna tattoos. Thanks to my good friend Mady for taking precious time out of her day to draw things on my unbelievably pale, bald head.

Peanut is obviously over my photoshoots.

I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on my drum all day.

The world, it's just so mesmerizing #beauty #sunsets #contemplative

Democracy: Friend or Foe?

AND NOW....for my BALDDDDDD ASSS, TATTOO-COVERED HEAD...

I swear this was not meant to look like a Yarmulke.

The beauty lies between the lines.

WELP, that's all for now. I hope to have more exciting news in my next post. 

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (Turn and face the strain)

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST MAY NOT BE THAT FUNNY AND IT IS KIND OF LONG. YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED, AS A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER, TO READ. SIMPLY SAY, "OH YEAH, GREAT BLOG" AND I WILL AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME YOU ARE A LOYAL, LOVING SUPPORTER OF MY FIGHT AGAINST THIS DEADLY ILLNESS, WHO READS ALL OF MY POSTS EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT SITCOM-FUNNY. (Have you no shame?) 

Well, today I began my second cycle. Andddd what a day it was. I arrived at the treatment center around 9 AM. As soon as I got there, one of the nurses took some blood to do a blood work-up. Then, I waited for the results. I waited for a very long time. Keep in mind these results were pretty important because if my WBC count is still too low, I might have to delay my treatment for an entire week. This really unsettled me because if my treatment was delayed for one week, it would push everything back and I might not finish in time to go back to school in the spring. It would just make everything more complicated. It would also be incredibly mentally frustrating. I had spent all last week mentally preparing for a full week of treatment. To push it off for a week can really mess with someone. My results came back around 1 PM and my WBC was still too low, but it wasn't low enough to make my doctor want to delay treatment (get down witch yo bad self!). Unfortunately, I didn't leave the treatment center until 4:45 PM. Yeah, it was a long day...I guess now I should talk about some of my emotional struggles with cancer.

First there is the struggle of having cancer. That's pretty tough in itself, seeing as this disease has killed so many before me. THIS IS SCARY SHIT. My body is supposed to be working with me, not trying to kill me. My body is being all, "YOLO, let's go out with a bang, baby!" And I'm trying to calm it down saying, "No, come on, body. I have plans. I want to be a doctor. We have to do things during these years!" I guess what I'm trying to say is that every twenty-something-year-old has this notion that they're invincible, and I was certainly one of those people. And to have that stripped from me too early on can be pretty devastating. These are the years that people play rugby because there's really no reason not to. Because, "There are just as many injuries in soccer as there are in rugby," a line I used to recruit players all the time. By the way, if you don't know me, I do (did?) play rugby for the Cornell Women's team since my freshman year of college. Having played other sports my entire life, but not rugby, I thought why not? Well, after cancer I now know that I am not immune to disease, injury, or death. So...why not play rugby? Because shit happens. Shit like this...

Now, that doesn't look too fun, kids, does it? Poor guy probably doesn't even know where he is with a head injury like that. Anyway, I know my teammates are reading this thinking, "Well JFogs (my rugby nickname), we all really miss you, on and off the field, and you've played with us for so long. How are you supposed to come back to Cornell and not play rugby?" HAVE NO FEAR, MY FELLOW TEAMMATES, I am not saying I won't play (I haven't decided yet--sorry in advance!). I am merely addressing the fact that US TWENTY-SOMETHINGS FACE DEATH JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. Pretty frightening, huh? That was a pretty big tangent about something we all already know...

Emotional struggles, right. I guess I could sum up my emotional struggle in a single text that a very good friend sent me this morning before I began my second cycle:

"It's okay to not want to go, it's just not okay to let it get the better of you. The world tests us in ways we never expect, whereas before it was Cornell, you've traded that in for something that's a lot more real. But just because it's of a different nature doesn't mean you should approach it any differently. Think about last semester when you got your physics final grade back [I killed it!], or 2 summers ago after doing Insanity for 2 months [It killed me!]. That's what you recognize as personal victories, because you worked your ass off for something you wanted and finally got it. Neither of those came easily and if they had, they wouldn't have felt as good. This is no less of a personal victory. Getting through EACH day of this is an active personal victory. And you have to work your ass of for it. Even when you feel like you're just sitting there having a million things done to you, you're working for it, physically and emotionally. Sometimes we need something like this to tear us down so we can see what we're made of, and then we can begin to rebuild. Every semester you've had to deal with shitty tests. This semester, this is yours. That doesn't mean you're doomed to fail. It means you need to work your ass for it. It means you've done it before and you will do it again."

Now, I know what you're thinking...wow, that's a pretty long text. Obviously, I didn't think that because I'm a five year-old and every time I get a long text, I'm like, "Oh, a present!" Anyway, let's focus on the content you, Debbie Downers! This was the kind of motivation I needed to hear. My Dad doesn't know it, but I spent most of the drive to the treatment center crying. I miss my friends my so much. I miss being at school and having the freedom to go to a crowded place because my white blood cell count isn't of concern. I miss playing rugby. I even miss having classes to go to and material to learn. I just miss living my life. Not to mention, not only am I not living my life right now because of cancer, but I'm constantly doing things I hate doing. Like sitting in a treatment center for 8 hours, receiving drugs that make me feel like dog poop. This stuff is pretty depressing and it's hard waking up every morning and motivating myself to be positive. But this text most certainly helped. And my struggle has really helped me appreciate the cards I've been dealt. I don't know how people fight cancer for years in the hope that they can one day beat it. Like I said in my past posts, the cure rate for my particular type of cancer is really high and that's only after a few months of treatment. I got it good, guys. This is nothing in the grand scheme of things. As my mom would say, "It's just a little hiccup." I'm probably going to go back and read this text from time-to-time. It's a big nudge in the right direction.

AND NOW...FOR THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. My hurrrrrrrrr. I have some bad news though. After I cut off my pony tail (protocol for donating to Locks of Love), too much hair had fallen out that the only hairstyle that I could sport was the ever popular...........................MOHAWK. Tattoos to come this weekend! I am still taking suggestions. 

Here are some photos from a photoshoot with my professional photographer, Sizzle. We've been working on projects together for years now. He says that I'm a natural model and my bone structure is enviable (Sizzle was taking his lunch break when the following photos were taken).

Smize/Duckface/Smuckface???

Thug lyfe<3

Oh no, I think I pulled something

Is my eyebrow high enough? Hmm, I don't think so.

IIIIII don't think this could get any creepier

Because I love my readers so much... 

SO...that was the most embarrassing thing I have ever put of myself online. But I do it for you guys. I do it for the fans/I wish I had fans. I also wish I wasn't so de-socialized from being home for so long. There is no way that photoshoot is okay to post online. It wasn't even okay to have the photoshoot. I should have waited for Sizzle to finish his lunch first. To be honest, I did this for myself. Losing my hair was a really, really difficult process for me. Before it started falling out, I had planned to not show my bald head to anyone. But I wanted to post these goofy pictures of myself to embrace my hair loss and hopefully serve as an inspiration to anyone who might be going through something similar. My mohawk is something I never had the guts to actually do and right now it's helping me give cancer the middle finger. I'm having a blast beating cancer, and I'm not going to stop.

Peace&Blessings, 

Julie

P.s. I've committed social suicide with these photos and that .gif.