Fourth Cycle, Last Cycle and Beyoncé

I guess I should start off by saying that Beyoncé's surprise album drop on Taylor Swift's birthday was genius. That's all I have to say about that.

My fourth and final cycle begins NEXT WEEK. And I am excited to announce that several friends will be joining me in treatment on Monday. It should make the day go by quick, which is great because that day is always the longest. This will be the toughest week I have ever faced since treatment started. Let me break it down for you. I went into my first cycle at 100%. The first full week knocked me down to 50%. Before my second cycle started I recovered to 80%. Then, my second full week knocked me down to 40%. I'd say I recovered to about 70-75%. By my third full week of treatment, I was taking about 3 or 4 naps everyday. I was completely exhausted and it was so much harder compared to my first week. During my first week I read nonstop for the full four hours of treatment. In my third week, I showed up in the morning and passed out until the afternoon, and would go home just to pass out some more. I mean...I love sleeping, but DAYUM, was I unproductive. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that my body is tired and this fourth full week is going to be TOUGH. Which brings me to my next topic...

Exercise.

One of the most frustrating things about my whole situation. After my surgery in September, I had to say goodbye to exercise for a full two weeks. Anyone who tries to stay in shape knows that a dormant two weeks means a complete loss of progress and a walk back to the starting line. So, that was the first frustrating thing. The second frustrating thing is that at my two-week follow-up appointment after surgery, my doctor told me that I wasn't allowed to lift for THREE MONTHS. I'm not jacked or anything, but you know, I had little bumps on my biceps that I was working on. Anyway, they're completely gone now. And so is the rest of the muscle that I had. The third frustration in all of this when it comes to exercise is the fatigue. In treatment this week, my blood results showed that my hemoglobin level was lower than normal. It was a 9.2. To put it in perspective, a value of 8 means the patient needs a blood transfusion. So, I'm still safe, but I'm anemic. Meaning, my fatigue has gotten worse. This is completely expected during chemotherapy, but it makes working out harder. If I could sum up my workouts on chemotherapy in one phrase I think it would be...kiddies, close your ears.

Running is a bitch.

Getting back into shape is a way longer process than would be if I wasn't on chemo. Not to mention, my blood pressure is significantly lower than normal. After runs (which, let's be honest, are barely runs at all), I have headaches on and off for the next day or so. And during my run, every time I try to pick up the pace my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. Thanks for all the pumping, Heart, but if you could do a better job that'd be great. 

And to my last order of business...I was about to post the above as the entirety of this blog post, but my good friend, Sam (featured in previous blog...you know, Oxford Sam), sent me the following Ted talk.

http://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_the_game_that_can_give_you_10_extra_years_of_life.html 

For those of you who don't know, Ted talks are my favorite. This Ted talk is about post-traumatic growth. Throughout the entirety of this crappy situation, I never let myself sit down and dwell in a thought like, "No. No, this is just too much. This is total shit. Why me?" The key word being dwell. Obviously, I've had this thought, but I only sit with it for a second. The reason being that I know my recovery relies MAINLY on resilience. People of the blogging world, you can get through ANYTHING if you are resilient. Life is about getting knocked down and getting back up again. I've been knocked down many times before cancer and I'm sure you have all been knocked down many times too. But cancer has knocked me down like I've never been knocked down before, but, with resilience, I'm going to get up like I've never gotten up before. Cancer is the springboard to my goals. I am now more focused on my targets than I have ever been. I'm going to get into medical school and not only will I be a great doctor, but I will have the experience of being a patient. This cancer, which will eventually be a piece of my past, will help me relate to my patients. So, I believe there is a reason for everything, and maybe this is just one of the reasons why I got cancer. 

IN SUMMATION, watch the Ted Talk because it touches on four resiliences that I believe are what help me get through every day of treatment, even if I've been doing my own version of each of the speaker's tasks.